#BlackLivesMatter

These past few weeks have been extremely heavy, and like most it has taken a while for me to process all that has currently happened. I have taken time to sit and listen to everyone’s frustrations and opinions towards the Black Lives Matter movement, but have not yet found anyone who discussed the internal conflict I felt towards everything currently happening. Therefore, I decided to write about it myself.

In all honesty I have been extremely conflicted, at first, I did not agree with the sudden resurface of the Black Lives Matter movement. To me it felt like a trend instead of a statement for change, and thus would not last. It resurfaced as if the racism we suffered just appeared out of nowhere and now black lives suddenly mattered because a black man had been murdered on camera for the world to see. This angered me because, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I thought, if it has taken a pandemic for the murder of an innocent man to be recognised as racially motivated, and criminal towards the black community; what hope would we have for white people to see racism built into the system they’re a part of, and changing it. The killing of black people is at the most extreme end of the scale which is injustice, and there are so many other ways we suffer in this world.

For a while my anger towards all of this was aimed at the movement itself, I felt like #BlackLivesMatter connoted negativity and suffering. I saw it as a form of desperation towards those who didn’t see our value and thus isolated myself from the movement, believing that it crippled our progress by accepting the victim narrative consistently placed on us. What triggered this was Netflix, I saw a section labelled “strong black leads” and it made me feel like an outcast. The fact that our work had a separate section made me feel as though we had been “othered” by society, and I’m not sure if that section had always been there or whether the black lives matter had encouraged this. It just reaffirmed the fact that the rest of the world saw me and all black people as outsiders, which was a very painful conclusion.

However, it wasn’t until discussing it with others that I was forced to challenge this negative perspective I believed to have been influenced by the movement. The root of my frustration bore from the segregation created by the world in the first place, which the Black Lives Matter movement intended to shift. Although not all the intentions of those using this movement are pure, those intentions shouldn’t cloud the beauty of this movement, and the unity it is bringing with those who see our worth. I believe for this to be something that creates substantial change there needs to be a balance between providing awareness, and actually taking time to practice self-love. This period has been extremely emotionally challenging and the constant reminders of our suffering does nothing for our mental health or our growth as a community. I encourage you to take time to learn about the black people that came before us and conquered this earth with courage and integrity, and not just the struggles; because it is through knowledge, we gain strength.

Spreading awareness alone can only do so much, for long-term change internal work needs to be done within our community and amongst all types of people. The black lives matter movement is for more than just awareness, it was also created to encourage healing, allowing people to share their pain, and have people of all races listen. So, I hope the non-black community commit to learning and truly listening to our reality and the weight we carry, because it is through these conversations that I hope they all recognise how we feel, and how racism affects us making them a vessel providing a step towards change. No real change will be made if understanding isn’t found, because with understanding comes empathy and one day true equality.